Conversations to Improve Your Relationship
Amanda P. Johnson, MS, LAMFT
What types of conversation improve your relationship? Whether it is an emotionally bonding conversation, your “daily download” or a tough conversation, there are some key things you can do to increase your connection and have the best conversation. Sue Johnson, the author of Hold Me Tight (2008), boiled it down to three key components; Are you accessible, responsive, and engaged?
Couples that aim to have these components present in their daily interactions tend to feel more connected, happy, and are able to de-escalate arguments quicker. These conversations can help improve your relationship. Let’s take a look at what each one looks like.
When your partner bids for connection, you pay attention easily – you put down your phone, look away from the computer, and pause so you can listen.
You show your partner they are important – you consider their feelings and opinions when you make decisions.
When your partner is upset and needs comfort – you stop the world and listen.
When your partner is scared or unsure – you are a rock, a sounding board, or just someone to lean on.
You find little and big ways to show your partner they are important – watching their favorite show with them, sharing what you love about them, knowing how they like their coffee.
You celebrate joys (even the little ones), console their hurts, and listen to their fears.
Your partner is your go-to person to confide in.
You risk bringing up difficult topics with your partner to build opportunities for more connection instead of “just brushing it under the rug”.
The important thing to remember here is presence, not perfection. There will be fumbles and missteps, but look for your partner’s presence in being accessible, responsive, and engaged. It is helpful to even clearly talk about how this feels/looks in your relationship so you and your partner can incorporate it into your daily routine.
If it feels like you are struggling with the connection or communication in your relationship the therapists a Relate Counseling specialize helping couples improve their relationship, connection, and communication. Call 404.267.1517 or connect with us on Instragram @relatecounselingatl.